Summertime Sadness

I've left this window open for days... Possibly a week. I want to write, but I feel stuck. What's important? What is a key issue? What is something people want to read? Then I realized, it doesn't matter whether people are interested in what I have to say or not; writing is therapeutic for me and a way to confront the things I'm unable to say out loud.

Summer is hard for me. Everyone is always saying, "You're so lucky to have the summer off!" or "I'm so jealous!" and I understand where you're coming from... If I had kids to be off with, a consistent part-time summer gig or anything that was somewhat similar to a routine, I would be lucky and you would have every right to be jealous. Instead, I go through every range of emotion possible over two months. I go from being excruciatingly happy to be outside in the sun all day with the dog, working on my tan and/or garden/front yard (that never ends) to feelings of legitimate despair and worthlessness. I have so many plans for this life and I absolutely know and believe with my whole heart that I am meant for more. I have always always always felt this way and to work on this, I create lists; I create many, many to do lists. I have bucket lists, daily lists, Arbonne lists, cleaning lists, grocery lists, long term lists... and I find much satisfaction in crossing things off. However, when I'm not working and without a consistent schedule to keep me busy, I am the least motivated person in the world. I manifest the "do it tomorrow" attitude and it never comes. I usually put on weight, I play too many video games, I eat out of boredom, I cry wayyyy more than I usually do and I begin to feel like I'm simply not enough. And because I do all these things and let myself feel this way, I then get angry at myself for letting my life fall apart and not working towards the goals I have set out for myself. Vicious cycle.

I didn't get to come into summer full of joy either. As per my past few posts, I've had my fair share of dealing with some completely awful people this year: men who have disappeared (ghosting, as it's called because it happens so frequently that there's actually a TERM for it), men who have used me, men who taken advantage of me, men who have treated me as though I am nothing but gorgeous tits and a body to grind up to, cuddle up to, lay next to. 

Don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of amazing times this summer. I am blessed to have a cottage I can visit anytime and see the parentals, my brother and his wifey live in town and just had a third and gorgeous little baby girl and I got to go to a music festival in Montreal with two of my favourite people (as seen by the vomitting of photos on Instagram and Facebook). I guess I'm simply saying that I love having time off, I love having a (much needed) break, but that I'm horrible at motivating myself to do everything that needs to be/should be getting done and that often, at times, I feel like a lonely, worthless, bag of shit.

So, if I've seen you and my hug lingered a little longer than usual, it's because I really needed it and because I love you and I'm happy you're in my life.

Make sure to give an extra squeeze the next time we hug.

Much love and sunshine,
Megs

New Year Wishes

I'm setting my goals extremely high for 2014.  I plan on it being the BEST YEAR TO DATE.  And I know that it's totally achievable!  Before the end of the year, I'll be setting up a few different POAs (Plans of Action) for different aspects of my life such as health and diet, Arbonne, and budget.  Within each of these will be various categories such as self-improvement, monthly, weekly and daily goal setting and many, many to do lists.  Those of you who know me, know my house is covered with these lists; they're EVERYYYYYYWHERE.  I love stroking things off these lists and I'm so very super excited for the new year.

Thank you all so much for your love and support of my blog over the past year(ish).  It means a lot that I have a lot of loyal followers and I am so very grateful for each and every single one of you.

Let's make 2014 your best one too!

All my love and then some,
Meaghan

Moving Forward!

So, for a zillion years, I've been wanting and (barely) trying to make a monthly newsletter for my Arbonne business.  Today, I finally finished it!  I'm super super pumped about it and hope that I can make it AMAZING and pretty and helpful to my clients.  I even found out how I can link a "subscribe to my newsletter" on here!  I'm going to try it and hope it works.  Feel free to be my guinea pigs.  Hope you are all well and that those of you out there Christmas shopping are almost done!  If you need some help picking things out, I'm your girl!

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Have an amazing Friday!  I'm totally planning on catching up on sleep, laundry and cleaning!  

Much love!
Meaghan

Don't Speak, Unless What You Have To Say is More Beautiful Than Silence

Last night even I was speechless.  And enraged.  So, it was a good idea for me to steer clear of any form of writing.  I simply just do not understand why people's brains often work the way they do, when all forms of common sense and human decency are erased.  And the selfishness!  Even though other people claim their reasoning behind what they did is for your benefit.  Please. 

The butterflies died last night.  I had a really great chat last week where I was able to discuss my feelings and expectations, and the next day, I knew in my gut that it was the beginning of the end.  I had high hopes, as I always do, but they died too.  One of the things that hurts is that I feel like I have so much love to give, but that no one wants it.  I don't get it.  

In some of the early butterfly chats, I would always be apologizing for this and that, and I was told to "stop apologizing".  To be honest, I'd never realized I was doing it.  Last night, at Arbonne training (after I was awarded my gorgeous earrings!!), a woman got up to speak and was waiting for the room to quiet down.  As one of my friends finished up her convo, she said "sorry!" and the woman replied "don't ever apologize.  Apologizing devalues who you are as a person.  You can make mistakes, but don't apologize for them."  So, maybe that's what this was for me; another lesson learned about who I am and that I should never apologize for it.  And if you don't want all I have to give, then you don't deserve it anyway.

I have a lot of amazing ideas for entries in the future...  a lot that focus on personal growth and improving your own situation; the way that I strive to improve mine every day.

I expect to bounce back in no time at all.

In the mean time, I've got a gala to attend with the best and most reliable date ever.

Much love my friends.
M

Happy Friday the 13th!

Week 2 of school is done.  And so am I.  I don't remember being this tired last year...  I had a bunch of Arbonne stuff this week and meetings and more meetings and Meet the Teacher Night...  I've pretty much decided I'm staying in bed all night tonight.  I have some more Arbonne parties this weekend and a photoshoot, so I won't be getting much rest over the next two days either...  I will likely be in bed by ten tonight. #noshame

I'm hoping that as I settle into the new routine, my body will get used to it.  I'm also hoping Caysee's 7 months and counting bladder infection goes away ANY DAY NOW.  Lately, I've been getting up 3-4 times a night with her; it's almost like having a baby minus, you know, the whole having a baby and breastfeeding thing.

I was going through my old hard drive not too long ago and came across some amazing photos and/or old documents/quotations.  So, in an effort to be a little bit entertaining, here are some photos!

 High School trip to Canada's Wonderland on the Ghoster Coaster

 

  Grad formal

  Last day of high school!

 This one time we did "Century Club".  This was us hitting the 25 mark.  The back of my shirt read "First to puke" and naturally, I was.

Hopefully next week's entries will be a little more consistent!  In the mean time, have an excellent weekend and thanks, as always, for your constant support.

Much love and then some more!
Meaghan

And So It Begins...

Tonight is the last free night I've got for awhile...  Starting tomorrow, I am jam packed full of amazing things Arbonne, staff meetings, region meetings, Meet the Teacher Night and even more Arbonne.  I totally decided to enjoy tonight by cleaning the fish tank, cleaning the kitchen and preparing lunches for the next few days.  A clean kitchen is totally under rated.  Every time I walk in, I feel a happiness that is completely nonsensical and ridiculous.  I smiled the last time because the counter was clear.  Awesome.  

Also super happy because:
a) it hit an amazing 41 degrees today!
b) my Arbonne Holiday Line arrived!
c) my OrganicsLive was delivered!
d) I rediscovered my love for Rookie Blue

Totally a number of small to medium victories for me today.

Let the craziness commence!

So much love,
Megs

Peacin' Out!

Being back at work is both invigorating and exhausting.  I spent a lot of the summer being an insomniac and this week has been awesome for tiring me out and getting me back to the real world.  Running every other day is also super helpful. I ran 3.92 km today without stopping and I powered up every hill I came across!  I'm super super proud of myself.

Tomorrow after work, I head for Albany...  Should be a great six hour drive with two of my Arbonne besties.  We have a conference all day Saturday and then another six hour drive home!  Hopefully I am awake enough for the entire drive!  And hopefully we all remember our passports!

Needless to say, it's unlikely I'll be posting tomorrow, so have an amazing weekend, my amazing readers!
 
I'm off to Kellie's for what will be a great evening of chatting, catching up and filling buckets.

Love always,
Megs
 

Stir Crazy

I didn't leave my house until 7ish tonight for dodgeball (which was one of the highlights of the day, obviously) and despite having done housework, stuff for Arbonne, texting with my butterfly buddy and a bunch of friends, drinking tea with my mom, etc, etc... I was totally STIR CRAZY.  We had thunderstorms on and off most of today (got my laundry off the line moments before the sky opened up) and while I love the rain, I do not love my dog under my feet from terror and being stuck in the house.  Luckily, dodgeball was a great escape and as it was our last game of the season, we hit up the "bar" (I use the term loosely) up at RIM Park to have a beer and some nachos (they didn't have Somersby and I'd already had nachos for lunch + the whole non-Meaghan-friendly thing), so I gulped down my lemon water.  Lots of good convo, some team bonding and fun times tonight.  Much love to my team.  You make Mondays totally bearable!

Love,
M

Just Elated

Oh, wow, where do I even start!?  I just got home from our monthly Arbonne meeting and training session, which is always super uplifting and motivating.  At the end, our National Vice President(s) let us know that they'd be recognizing different individuals at each meeting from now on for various things such as struggles, accomplishments, being "rock stars" and the like.  Mike began to talk about one of us "who doesn't realize the potential she has.  She has the dream, she WANTS the dream, but she doesn't know that she can do it"*.  He turned and looked at me, "You knew it was you." to which I responded, "Yep.  I did."  I received a beautiful journal (plus hugs and kisses and applause and support and LOVE) to help record my dreams and visions.  I can never speak highly enough about Arbonne or what it has done for me in terms of self-esteem, self-confidence and my constant desire to be a better person and succeed.

Additionally, my agency called and as soon as I responded, "Hi, Jane!" she replied, "You got it!" to which I screamed, danced and jumped up and down in my kitchen.  I'm going to be doing a SEVEN PAGE SPREAD in Grand, a magazine about "Living Well in Waterloo Region, Ontario".  To say that I was over the moon is an understatement, especially considering how I've been feeling about my body lately.  I shared it with a few special people (while I was still jumping around the kitchen) and got even more excited that they were so happy for me.  It has been such an amazing and uplifting day.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your support, positive energy and love.  Know that I return it all ten-fold.

Love,
M

*not verbatim, but how I remember it happening!

Cleaning, Singing and Planking

Today was such a GOOD day!  I had a friend over this morning for a visit with the pooch and lunch, so I had to be up early to get some cleaning done.  What a sense of accomplishment to put dishes away, tidy up and vacuum the house before 10 am!  Revealing my age much by discussing the joys of a clean home?  Don't care!  The visit was great, lunch was AMAZING, and then I came home and practiced piano (mostly sang at the top of my lungs)...  I'm learning "Run to You" by Whitney Houston so when I would get to a part that I couldn't play quickly enough, I'd just sing it instead (sorry, neighbours).

After piano, I did some reading and work on the comp, worked on my squats, planked for a bit (um, not so good at it...  but working on it!) and then hit the road for a bike ride.  Sadly, I noticed my tires needed some air, but I went anyway.  Needless to say, I did not make it as far as I would have liked to... but I was still huffing and puffing and red in the face when I got home, so it was still a legit work out!

Now I'm off to focus some more time on Arbonne, perhaps watch a movie and then hit the sack!  Tomorrow I get to hang out with my brother and nephew at a friend's farm, go see The Wolverine with another friend, and then out to Jane Bond for some food with one of my dearest.  Should be another super day.

Have a great evening.
Much love,
M